Thabisile Gumede
12 October 2026
You know the person. Their diary is full, their family is looked after, and they still turn up for birthdays and Friday drinks. Ask how they are and the answer comes quickly and warmly: “I’m fine.” Because they appear to be doing everything right, nobody thinks to ask again.
This October, Mental Health Awareness Month, The Hyding, a Johannesburg-based wellness destination that brings together doctors, wellness practitioners and restorative experiences, is asking us to look a little harder. Keeping up with work, caring for a family and making time for friends can give the impression that someone is doing well, but meeting daily responsibilities does not always reveal how a person is feeling. Behind a full diary or a reassuring answer, there may be struggles that others simply do not see.
The invitation is a gentle one: notice the changes in ourselves, listen more closely to the people around us, and understand that nobody needs to reach a crisis before they are allowed to ask for support.
Part of the problem is how we measure ourselves. In a world that often judges our worth by how much we accomplish, pausing can feel uncomfortable. Even rest can become one more task to get right.
The Hyding draws on Japanese-inspired ideas of simplicity and balance to offer a different starting point. Ma honours the space between things. Wabi-sabi embraces imperfection. Together, they challenge the pressure to fill every moment and to look as though we have it all together.
In everyday life, that might mean allowing a quiet moment without reaching for your phone. It might mean acknowledging a difficult feeling instead of immediately trying to dismiss it, or accepting that you do not have to earn the right to rest. These small pauses do not replace professional care, but they can create room to notice how we are feeling and what we might need.
It also helps to remember how many things shape our mental health. Physical health, genetics, relationships, past experiences and the environments we live in all play a role. Reducing someone’s struggles to a lack of positivity or willpower ignores that complexity.
Kimona Premjith, Clinical Psychologist at The Hyding, says: “One of the most important shifts we can make is to stop viewing mental health difficulties as a personal failure. When someone is struggling, the question should not simply be, ‘Why can’t you cope?’ but rather, ‘What is happening for this person and what might they need?’ That shift creates space for greater understanding, earlier support and more appropriate intervention.”
The numbers suggest that what goes unseen is far from rare. According to the South African Depression and Anxiety Group (SADAG), one in three South Africans may live with a mental health issue at some point in their lifetime. SADAG also says nine out of ten people living with a mental illness do not have access to treatment or care.
Behind those figures are the people who do reach out. SADAG spokesperson Omphile Tshake said this month: “Today, SADAG receives between 2,000-3,000 calls per day and over 900 Whatsapp messages a day. Behind every call is a person with a story, someone who has experienced anxiety, depression, trauma, addiction, suicidal thoughts, grief, stigma, even recovery or the challenges of living with a mental health issue.”
Our habits around wellness often focus on what can be seen: how fit someone looks, what they eat, how well they seem to manage their routines. Mental and emotional wellbeing is less visible, which makes it easier to overlook. A more holistic view considers body, mind and emotions together, and accepts that looking after ourselves will look different from one season of life to the next. Some days we need rest, movement or connection. On others, we need professional psychological support.
The point, The Hyding stresses, is not to set another standard to live up to. It is to make paying attention to ourselves an ongoing part of life, with room for difficult days and changing needs.
The same attention can be turned towards the people we love. A meaningful check-in begins with making time to listen. Asking “How have you really been feeling?” and then leaving space for an honest answer can open a conversation that a passing “Are you okay?” would miss.
Friends, family members and colleagues can help by listening without judgement, avoiding assumptions and resisting the urge to jump in with solutions. You do not need to have every answer. Sometimes the most helpful thing is to take someone seriously and offer to help them find the right support. That support must also be easy to find, so encouraging someone to seek help should come with clear information about where to go and how to take the next step.
For The Hyding, it all comes back to one belief: care deserves a place in everyday life, rather than being postponed until every other responsibility has been met.
So this October, look beyond appearances. Check in with a little more care, and take your own concerns seriously. No one should have to prove that they are struggling to deserve support.
