Ilse Krabben
20 March 2026
I feel a lot of compassion for the girl I was nine years ago, not perfect, still living with so much anxiety and pain, and yet still standing and doing her best. I was always working so hard just to function. Writing little notes to myself that I would put in my pockets to look at in moments of panic. I was always studying and researching.
It makes me wonder and question how I’m still working hard, but I do it because I enjoy it! And because I need to put my energy into something, since I often feel a burst of energy. But the base feels calm now. I no longer wake up in the morning short of breath, with a feeling of urgency, survival, and restlessness. Or it’s rare, and when I do, I know how to take care of myself or ask for help.
At that time, I was still under the illusion that I had “AD(H)D,” which is what the healthcare system told me while giving me a prescription for medication, instead of digging deeper and working with the roots and reasons of my symptoms. Which, in my case, was sexual abuse. I always feel like I’m dropping a bomb when I say those words, but we have to stop making it a bomb. Because, unfortunately, it is very common. Both for women and men. And I’ve seen male friends for whom it seems to be even harder because of the illusion we need to break and heal around men being able to be human as well, meaning, vulnerable and able to show emotions.
The diagnosis only brought me further away from myself. It took me years and so much effort and failure to find the right kind of help, and to start looking at trauma in a different way. But I’m glad I never judged the hard work and the gifts that can be found on the healing journey.
Maybe we, human beings, have put a label on all these traumas. And allowed it to reinforce our “individuality,” feelings of being different or special, staying in victimhood, and believing lies that want to separate or isolate us or others. Yes, some people truly carry more pain than others, but the truth is that everyone has experienced some form of trauma. And, again, that even big traumas might be seen as a gift; something that our soul and consciousness chose. This doesn’t mean that we will keep playing the same game, or that we cannot change the pattern, or discover that there is also a lot to learn in bliss. But maybe our soul believed it would be able to do what it came here to do by taking on this path.
What if we started to look at trauma in another way? What if it’s exactly that which catapulted us into this intense experience and is allowing us to really dig, learn, fall, stand, and rise? What if it’s really a huge gift? I clearly see that there are so many adventures, actions, travels, studies, and retreats that I would have NEVER done without these traumas and pain. And I would never have given up those experiences, knowing the expansion and growth they gave me!
It doesn’t mean that trauma doesn’t hurt, or that it cannot break our hearts and make us scream with grief. But what if, simultaneously, we can look through that and remember the truth and expansion of who we truly are? What a relief. What freedom. What an opening… towards… I don’t know what yet. But I’m surely curious to find out.
About the Author: Ilse Krabben Loux has been working as a writer, storyteller, and workshop facilitator for 16 years, mostly with children. She enjoys contributing to topics and tools that support others. She is currently completing a new study at the Awareness Facilitator School at Working with Satya, which she feels deeply passionate about.
