Thembelihle Zwane
20 March 2026
On paper, it sounds simple: jot down a few things you’re grateful for each day. We know we should appreciate a warm bed, birdsong at the window, or a peaceful morning. Yet sometimes there’s a gap between what we know is “good” and what we actually feel.
Decades of research, including studies published in the Journal of Research in Personality, show that gratitude is strongly linked to improved well‑being. But the practice doesn’t always land the way we want it to.
Why gratitude can feel hard
“Many people, especially those dealing with anxiety, stress, or low mood, find gratitude flat, forced, or even like toxic positivity,” says Jane Msumba, founder of the Inner Glow Clinic.
She explains that our brains evolved for survival, not happiness.
- We have a negativity bias: a tendency to spot threats before positives.
- Anxiety zooms in on danger.
- Depression dulls reward circuits.
So forcing yourself to list positives can feel like pressure rather than comfort. With gratitude becoming culturally popular, some people also feel a sense of obligation, which only reinforces resistance.
Instead of abandoning the practice, Jane suggests reframing it: “You might simply need a softer, more imaginative way in.”
Start small
Chartered counselling psychologist Dr Kirstie Fleetwood Meade encourages beginning gently:
“If listing five things you’re grateful for feels overwhelming, try noticing one thing that didn’t go wrong.”
Jane agrees, suggesting you focus on reframing rather than forcing positivity:
“Even if today felt heavy, I could notice one lighter moment.”
Make it a habit
Just like physical exercise, gratitude works best with repetition – not a once‑off effort.
Dr Fleetwood Meade suggests choosing a time of day you can consistently dedicate a few quiet minutes to. Jane recommends linking gratitude to an existing routine – brushing your teeth, waiting for the kettle, settling into bed – to make it automatic and sustainable.
Share it
For some, formal journaling can feel stiff or artificial. If that’s the case, Dr Fleetwood Meade suggests weaving gratitude into connection with others – via a text, a voice note, or a simple conversation.
Sharing gratitude socially not only strengthens relationships but also enhances the emotional impact.
Jane explains: “When gratitude is shared, we not only express it but receive it. That exchange releases dopamine and serotonin, boosting mood and deepening connection.”
Functional Imagery Training (FIT)
FIT is grounded in the idea that mental imagery is more emotionally powerful than abstract thoughts. Instead of writing down “I’m grateful for my morning coffee,” Jane recommends using multi‑sensory imagery:
Close your eyes and replay the moment –
- the steam rising,
- the warm cup in your hands,
- the rich aroma,
- the first sip.
When you visualise gratitude in detail, the brain encodes the experience more vividly, making the emotion more real.
Glimmer spotting
Dr Fleetwood Meade describes glimmers as micro‑moments of safety, joy, or beauty – tiny flashes your body recognises before your mind does. They align closely with experiences of awe, which research in Perspectives on Psychological Science identifies as a pathway to better physical and mental health.
She encourages pausing when you notice a glimmer –
the warmth of the sun on your skin,
a kind smile,
a soft breeze,
a calming sound –
and paying attention to how your body responds.
“This is gratitude at its most embodied,” she says.
Jane adds that when gratitude resonates deeply, it even shows measurable changes in the brain, which is why the practice can be especially transformative for those who resist it most.
Finding your version of gratitude
The key isn’t forcing yourself into a rigid routine – it’s finding a form that feels authentic and manageable.
As Dr Fleetwood Meade reminds us:
“Gratitude doesn’t erase suffering. Two things can be true at once – we can struggle, and we can acknowledge what we are grateful for.”
In the end, it’s not about perfection. It’s about gently shifting your attention, one moment at a time, toward what supports you, soothes you, or brings a flicker of light into the day.
